So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Randomize
