She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
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