it wasn't lemon gatorade
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
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