evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
