How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
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