well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
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