Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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