And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
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how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
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He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
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