Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
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