god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Randomize
