what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
Randomize
