Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
Randomize