Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
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I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
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