I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
Randomize