Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
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