Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
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Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
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I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
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