Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
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