this boner is exhausting
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
Randomize
