I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
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