I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
Randomize
