I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Randomize
