I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
Randomize
