You're completely useless in the revolution.
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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