he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
