In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
look no pants
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Randomize
