i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
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