Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
