bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
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