so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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