Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
