Sponge bath it is.
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
Randomize
