Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
