No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
Randomize
