Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
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