We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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