i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
Randomize