I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
it's not cheating when I paid for it
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Randomize
