I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
