My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
Randomize
