We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
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WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
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