So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
Randomize
