I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
