i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
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