Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
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