Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Randomize
