found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Randomize