If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
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