I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
Randomize
