I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
They took my balls.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
Randomize