you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
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