You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
Randomize
