Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Randomize
