Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
Randomize
