So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
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