Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
Randomize
