there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Randomize
