So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
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All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
I'm at about main and main street
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
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Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
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