I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
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