You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
